Late-Night Hosts Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme

TV's top comedians spent the evening criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's just announced immigration program, dubbed the "golden visa," portraying it as a clear cash-for-residency system for the rich.

The Late Show's Sarcastic Spin

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical Christmas song directed at the president. "He is making a list, checking it twice, before giving that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... ruins each thing he handles."

The subject was the new initiative that enables international individuals to acquire U.S. residence for the price of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" tier for five million. The program's website guarantees processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief note for you to rich foreigners: before you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the program is also designed to "squeeze cash" from businesses wishing to hire skilled workers, requiring significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your selection – if it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"The most thorough vetting the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants completely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow affluent overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "For a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"It might be time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the application, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging poll numbers during financial anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to address cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of food items, where he reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by criticizing conservative media defenses of Trump's economic record. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.