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Our friends for more than 20 years, who has overcome numerous hardships, her resilience is commendable. However, she's constantly blindsided by people. Her spouse left her, and it was a massive blow. Several of her friends drifted away during that time, because they seemed focused solely on him. She was stunned by her deeply. She made greater energy to be my friend, likely understood more acutely the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, several in her circle vanished and she isn't sure why. Her last employer turned on her, although she had been an excellent employee, she departed not understanding why things shifted.

Present Situation

Recently, we have each left the workforce leading to more frequent meetups, however, I feel my role in our friendship is to listen. I introduce subjects and she changes the talk toward her own topics. Politically, she holds unyielding views. I attempt to propose factchecking or other angles.

She is planning a trip to a country I have traveled to on several occasions and lived in previously. My intention was to share insights, but this was met with resistance. She purely just desired me to confirm her plans. I've just ended 30 days in that place she is eager to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I don't want to act as a friend who cuts and runs abruptly, however, I feel she can grasp the effect of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Currently, my state is pulling back. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

It's possible to end things abruptly, yet this is seldom the easy answer we hope for. However, addressing it aiming for working things out takes courage and readiness from both people.

Therapists recommend trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step involves describing the usual pattern when you talk. This needs to be based on facts like exactly what occurs. The second is to tell the way it affects you emotionally. This allows for no disagreement here. Your feelings belong to you, of course. The third step is to question how the two of you can shift the pattern in your relationship."

Remember that she also has a point of view, thus requiring you to remain ready to acknowledge it. An approach that works is telling your friend:

"Please share your thoughts while I will remain silent for a set time."

It's remarkably impactful in fostering mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

Your friend could ignore everything, as some people hold onto a “survival narrative”: they rely on a story about themselves they're unable to release because their very survival is tied to it being the only thing they've known. It's tough as there is no thoroughfare in such cases, just dead ends. Yet she could initially present defensively then consider on your words. And should you never reach a resolution, it provides peace from having been honest with her.